(First the drunk shark is on the left…..and here’s my rant about the half-time show and the sharks.)
Say what you want about Katy Perry’s half-time show. She was hot. The dancers did their thing. I think she pulled it off, and I’m pretty certain this is the biggest thing that’s happened in her life. Again, let me emphasize how hot she was and how I just kept thinking about two things: 1) How much better that beach scene would have look with me on it, with her, in a real life Bermuda setting, maybe resting on a hammock, looking into each other’s eyes. We obviously would have sex on the beach immediately after drinking a “sex on the beach.” Was having a hard time keeping it in my pants, but I was in a public setting, so I pulled it off (not literally, of course.) And 2) After that brief dream sequence about Perry, I thought…when the fuck is Katy Perry going to exit stage right and when is Tom Brady going to come back on the field to do what’s important: Win the game and solidify himself as the greatest legend to walk onto the gridiron?
This Super Bowl 49 halftime show felt like forever.
So that’s what I was mostly thinking about during the half-time performance. 1) Katy Perry’s hottness. 2) Tom Brady. And then I went back and found this fucking gem on the internet and thought, “What in the blue hell is the shark on the left doing?” The one of the right is hitting it on all cylinders. Clearly that shark on the right was busting a rhyme all last night practicing its hardest for the big stage. It was its biggest moment, doing it for sharks everywhere. Giving the middle finger to Steven Spielberg and Jaws. Showing people that sharks are just a friendly bunch when you blare some Katy Perry. However, the one of the left. Get your game together, kid! You’re all over the place. Are you nervous???? No one even knows who you are. You’re just there swinging your arms all over the place like a drunken idiot.